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As I sit across from the music world's newest group of singing, dancing
mega-hunks that are All-4-U,
it's not hard to see why they've been making girls from sunny Florida
to rainy Washington State moisten their little prepubescent panties
with nothing more than a playful jiggle of the head and/or hips.
Dietrich's classically chiseled, devastatingly European features are
set off perfectly by the bright neon lights announcing the XXX bookstore
he's facing. Though it's only 11:30 in the morning he's already visited
the shop several times, much to the dismay of their manager Barmak.
Sean is handsome in a rugged, thuggish kind of way, with a face full
of hard-won experience and hard-fought pride. He takes neither prisoners
nor lip from anybody, and is the only member of the group ever to
openly defy Barmak's judgement, earning him the respect and admiration
of the other boys.
Roderick (or "Little Rod", as the others call him) is cute in his
bashful, timid way, where you might catch him peeking at you from
behind your computer monitor as he fixes it. He says very little at
this morning's interview, still rubbing the sleepiness out of his
eyes and smiling shyly.
And Troy, the so-called "Heartland Hottie", is just a terrible flirt,
the most so in the whole group, making eyes and smiling devilishly
at everyone who passes by, from the waitress who brought him his eggs
to the maid who made his bed to the doorman that showed him to his
room. It's impossible to know exactly what he's thinking when he gets
that mysterious, mischievous look in his eyes, whether he's inviting
you to make cookies or listen to their self-titled debut album, currently
at number four on the Billboard Charts.
We're having a relaxed breakfast at the world-famous Beverly Hills
Hotel in sunny Southern California and discussing the effects of overnight
fame, artistic trials
and what it means to be a member of All-4-U. But first, perhaps a
little background would be in order....
more inside... |
Dat's
right, its da bear, roarin' at ya again! ROWWWRR! Well, I know ya
been waitin, so I ain�t gonna keep ya in suspense no more- the bear
went on a date!
ROWWWRRRRRR!
Da bear had seen her around a lot, wearin� dat little pink bow on
her head. But she was always with this other "male." He's so small
he looks like he was still at his mother's teat last year. So one
day I see da two of 'em. I wait till he is off pickin' some berries
or some other wussy-ass omnivore shit. Then I creep up to her and
say "how about bout it? Wanna see what it�s like to roll with a
real bear?" She says yeah, her name is Josephine. We set it up for
later that night.
Now
da Bruin Bear is thinkin� he is in luck. She sure ain�t closely
bonded to her so-called male and it doesn�t even look like I'm gonna
hafta kill any cubs to get her ready. So night comes and the bear
is ready for love. Before I get there I rub against a tree to get
some syrup for her to lick offa my sensitive nipples later on....
continued...
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Delta
Chi:
Admission standards were established for this Friday night's party,
reading in part:
"a sliding scale shall be used for the admission of uninvited women.
A women fully clothed in a sweater or similar shall be admitted only
if she is judged to weigh 130 lbs. or less. However, this weight limit
shall be increased to 145 lbs. for girls wearing a t-shirt or similar
with nipples at least partially visible. Furthermore, this limit shall
be increased to 180 lbs. for women wearing a halter top." Finally,
"cool-looking dudes" may optionally be admitted on a case-by-case
basis, especially if the admission of halter-topped women is judged
to be contingent on the admission of said dudes.
Secondly, a "punk-control" sub-committee was formed, with brothers
appointed to the following duties: Brother Dom was designated the
"c'mon we don�t want any trouble" guy, Brother Carl was designated
the "you�re up against 44 brothers, you fight one of us, you fight
all of us" guy, and brother "Beavis" was designated the "'you guys
come here and drink our beer..' tirade" guy, although the tirade was
left open to improvisation as required by any unforseen punk actions...
continued...
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